


A Whisper

by poppyfields13



Series: Just Like That [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: ASMR, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Hair Brushing, Hair Playing, M/M, Pining, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Recovery, YouTube, scalp massage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-05
Updated: 2016-03-05
Packaged: 2018-05-24 23:13:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6170464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poppyfields13/pseuds/poppyfields13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky has been watching ASMR videos as part of his recovery. Steve offers to play with his hair.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Whisper

**Author's Note:**

> A million thanks to [Tinzelda](http://archiveofourown.org/users/tinzelda/profile) for beta reading for me... and for just being a wonderful person in general. xox

“Steve?”

“Mmm?” Steve looked up from his book. Bucky was hovering around the entrance to the living room. Steve waited patiently for him to continue.

“Can you buy me some headphones?”

Bucky had been staying with Steve in his apartment for over a month after finally, _finally_ , being persuaded by Steve to come back with him. After a few weeks he had started asking for certain things from the grocery store instead of just eating whatever Steve put in front of him. But he had never asked for anything that wasn’t food related.

“Sure, Buck,” he said, smiling in the reassuring way he had adopted over the last month.

“They need to be good ones,” Bucky said.

“Okay. Have you been listening to music?” he asked. He had to admit, he was pretty curious about what Bucky got up to all day. He spent a _lot_ of time alone in his room. He wouldn’t leave the apartment either, which Steve didn’t have any intention of making him do until he was ready. If he ever was.

“No, I need them to watch videos.”

“What kind of videos?” Steve asked. A strange thought crossed his mind. He felt his face grow warm. Was Bucky watching… _porn_? Not that there would be anything wrong with it if he was, but Steve just couldn’t imagine he was in that sort of headspace yet. Then again, Bucky didn’t have to tell Steve everything that he did or thought, Steve had to keep reminding himself of that.

“It’s called ASMR. Sam told me about it. I watch them to help me sleep, but you’re supposed to listen to them with headphones because the sound is better.”

“Sure, no problem,” Steve said as casually as he could. “I’ll get them tomorrow when I go grocery shopping. Is that okay?”

Bucky nodded. “Thanks.” He turned and left the room, a few seconds later Steve heard Bucky’s bedroom door click closed.

Steve wondered why Sam hadn’t told him about recommending this ASMR thing to Bucky. Steve had no idea what it was. He shook his head and scolded himself again. Not everything was about him. Bucky’s recovery was _not_ about him.

Steve tried hard not to be frustrated with their situation. He was so glad to have Bucky back in his life that he was happy to do things however Bucky wanted. But maybe Bucky would never be ready to leave his room for long periods of time. Maybe he would never want to leave the apartment. Would Steve be able to live like that? He didn’t know if he could do it without eventually snapping.

He sighed and closed his book. It was only 8 o'clock but he knew he couldn't concentrate on reading anymore. He walked up to Bucky’s bedroom door and knocked. “Hey, Buck? I’m gonna have an early night.”

“Okay,” Bucky called without opening the door. “Night.”

“Night, pal.” He lingered around the door a little longer. He didn’t really expect Bucky to say anything else but he always hoped. He knew what he was doing for Bucky was good - giving him a home, where no one expected anything from him. A place where he could just _be_. But sometimes it felt like Bucky didn’t even need him.

After a long hot shower he got into bed and grabbed his tablet, intending to watch a couple episodes of some mindless sitcom, but as he turned on the screen he noticed the YouTube icon and tapped on that instead. He typed ‘ASMR’ into the search field, and immediately several channels came up dedicated to ASMR. He chose the first one and began browsing through the videos. He didn’t really know where to start, so in the end he randomly picked one titled ‘Relaxing Candle Store’ and began watching. A pretty blonde girl came onto the screen and started asking the camera questions in a hushed voice.

Steve immediately felt uncomfortable. What _was_ this? He clicked out of the video and looked through the selection again, then he noticed they all had ‘roleplay’ in the title. ‘Massage Roleplay,’ ‘Makeover Roleplay,’ ‘Nurse Roleplay.’ Maybe this _was_ some kind of weird sex thing?

There were even stranger ones too, like ‘Interrogation Roleplay’ and ‘Kidnapping Roleplay.’ How could those things possibly put anyone to sleep? He decided to try one of the other ASMR channels instead. The next one wasn’t quite so weird, it just had stuff like ‘Tapping sounds’ and ‘Crinkly paper sounds,’ although there was one that was called ‘30 ASMR Triggers’ which Steve thought couldn't be good.

He realised maybe he should actually find out what ASMR was before condemning it. If Bucky said it helped him sleep then it couldn’t be completely absurd. Steve knew Bucky hadn’t slept well when he first arrived - he could just tell from the way he looked. He was looking much better these days though - no dark circles around his eyes. And Steve didn’t hear him cry out so much in his sleep anymore. Maybe it really did work.

He googled ASMR, and the first thing that came up was the Wikipedia page for it. He knew not to trust Wikipedia completely - his own Wikipedia page was filled with misinformation - but it was the quickest way get to an explanation so he started reading.

It said that ASMR stood for Autonomous Meridian Sensory Response, and it was a relaxing experience that caused a tingling sensation in the scalp. It kind of made sense to him, although he wasn’t sure he had ever experienced ‘tingles’ himself.

He went back to YouTube, and as he was browsing through, one of the videos caught his attention. It was a video of a woman sketching. He couldn’t see her face, just her hands as she sketched. The sound of the pencil scratching the paper seemed louder than it normally was when he was sketching himself. Steve had never noticed what a soothing sound it was. He still didn’t feel the tingles the Wikipedia page had mentioned, but the sounds _were_ relaxing, and after listening to it for ten minutes or so he felt himself start to drift off. He shook himself awake and searched for something else.

He came across one that had over two million views on it. He couldn’t believe so many people watched these things. The video was called ‘Relaxing Hair Brushing Sounds for Stress Relief.’ He started watching. The camera was angled above two women. One was sitting on a couch, and the other was sitting on the floor between the other woman’s legs. The woman on the couch introduced the video in a whispered voice. She said she would be brushing her friend’s hair, massaging her scalp, and offering stress relief tips.

This video seemed a lot more promising than the other ones, so Steve settled back into his pillows and tried to really focus on the video. There must have been a microphone very close to the woman’s hair because he could hear everything as the first woman ran her fingers through her friend’s hair and began gently scratching her scalp. It really was surprisingly relaxing. It made Steve think of this childhood. He remembered the way he always used to love it when his ma had washed his hair. She was always so gentle - the way she scrubbed his scalp and then combed his hair afterwards. He had always felt so close to her in those moments.

The woman on the screen was talking - well, whispering - about connecting with other people through touch. She talked about how human touch was an important way of showing compassion. “If you know someone suffering from stress and anxiety, simply offering human touch can help,” she said.

If only Steve felt comfortable touching Bucky - but he seemed too skittish now. Before the war Bucky used to touch Steve all the time, he was always throwing his arm around Steve’s shoulders or playfully messing up his hair. Now he avoided being too close.

Steve sighed. The voice on the video slowly became more and more muffled and Steve had to shake himself awake several times to refocus, but his eyes kept drooping. He closed them, just for a moment…

♥

The next thing he knew he was being awakened by the sun shining through the window into his eyes. His tablet was laying on the floor by his side, luckily in one piece. He couldn’t remember the last time he had fallen asleep so easily.

He lay in bed for a few moments, savouring how rested he felt. As he stared at the ceiling he had an idea. Maybe, if Bucky liked watching videos like this, Steve could play with his hair _for_ him? Hadn’t the woman in the video said human touch was a way of doing something nice for another person? He picked his tablet up off the floor. He opened the YouTube app and went to his history so he could watch the video again. This time he really tried to concentrate on what she was saying - without falling asleep.

He listened intently, and near the end of the video - which Steve had missed when he fell asleep - the woman said, “Remember, you're a good person. You're a good friend. You’re doing the best you can. That's what’s important.” That made Steve uncomfortable. He _tried_ to be a good friend, but every day he still had to squash down the guilty thought that _he should have gone back to look for Bucky_. But maybe… maybe he could be a good friend by doing this for him?

Bucky deserved to relax, and all she was doing was brushing hair and massaging her friend’s scalp. Steve could do that. He’d done much more difficult things in his life. But what if Bucky watched these videos to get accustomed with touch again but wasn't ready for it himself yet? If that were true, Steve thought Bucky would tell him - he _had_ been telling Steve whether he liked something or not lately.

But would Bucky want Steve to whisper like that? He couldn’t imagine himself doing that, he wouldn’t even know what to say. He focused on watching the hand motions instead. The woman was now braiding the other one’s hair. Well, that looked too complicated to Steve, and anyway, he didn’t think Bucky would appreciate having braids in his hair. Besides, her hair was much longer than Bucky’s. He went back to the start of the video so he could watch the scalp massage again. If he was going to do this for Bucky, he wanted it to be good.

♥

As he left to do the shopping later on in the morning, Bucky handed him a list of things he wanted from the grocery store. _Cherry pop-tarts, chocolate chip cookies, rocky road ice cream_. Steve was more than happy to indulge Bucky’s sweet tooth after thinking about how deprived he was for so long. Steve would more than likely add a few extra treats into the shopping cart that he thought Bucky might like.

After visiting the grocery store he ducked into Target to pick up the headphones Bucky had asked for. Bucky had said they needed to be good ones, but Steve had no idea which ones were good, and there were so many to choose from. He dismissed the little earbud ones pretty quickly as too intrusive and looked at the over-ear ones instead. In the end, he decided on the most expensive pair on the shelf - he figured the more expensive, the better they probably were.

As he left the electronics aisle to walk to the register, he passed the personal care aisle and stopped. He glanced in to see if they had any hair brushes. If he was going to do this ASMR thing for Bucky he may as well fully commit. He picked up the one called a ‘paddle’ brush. It was like the one the woman in the video had been using. It had made nice sounds.

He was about to leave when a display of ‘head massagers’ caught his eye. That seemed like the perfect thing to get in order to help him make the experience the best he could. And he needed all the help he could get. He picked up one of the boxes and examined the picture. The massager had a metal handle with long curved wires sprouting out of it. Luckily, there were instructions on the box showing how to use it, otherwise Steve might have thought it was some kind of torture device.

He tucked it under his arm and finally made his way to the checkout line.

♥

Steve was surprised to see Bucky sitting on the couch, instead of hiding in his room, when he entered the apartment. He stood up and came over to the door to help Steve with the bags. They took them into the kitchen and started putting the food away. Steve dug into the Target bag and handed the headphones to Bucky. “I hope they’re the right kind.”

Bucky glanced at the box but didn’t show too much interest in the jargon written all over the packaging. He smiled at Steve and thanked him. Bucky still didn’t smile very much, so when his eyes crinkled and his mouth tilted to one side like that - Steve’s stomach lurched. Back before the war, Steve had been so good at hiding how he felt about Bucky. Now it seemed like it was something he was going to have to learn to do all over again.

As they put the last of the groceries away, Steve knew he had to take his chance before Bucky holed himself up in his room for the rest of the day.

“Um, Buck?”

“Mmm?” Bucky had already opened the packet of cookies and had his mouth full. Crumbs fell out of his mouth, and Steve tried not to laugh. It warmed his heart to see Bucky being so uninhibited, just doing something so _normal_. It gave him hope.

“Um, well, I was thinking… I mean, if you want I could...” Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. How good was he going to be at this if he couldn’t even get the words out?

But Bucky was waiting patiently for him to speak, with not a trace of judgement on his face. He had _always_ been that way - never pushing Steve into anything, letting him do things at his own pace, even if that meant diving headfirst into one of Steve’s plans that got them both into trouble.

It pained Steve to feel so strange around Bucky now. Sometimes he was struck dumb by how much Bucky seemed like his old self. Then other times he was like a complete stranger. Steve took a deep breath - Bucky wasn’t going to be mad at him for asking.

“Last night I had a look at some of those ASMR videos you told me about.”

Bucky looked at him nervously, like he was afraid Steve would criticise him.

Steve hurried to get his words out, hating that he made Bucky anxious. “I especially liked the hair brushing ones,” he continued. “I was wondering… would you like me to do that for you? You know, play with your hair. Brush it, or…”

Bucky stared at him blankly.

“Or… nevermind. Dumb idea. Sorr-”

“Okay.”

Steve’s eyebrows shot up. “Okay? Really?”

“Yeah. I’d like that,” Bucky said, his voice steady.

Steve had to stop himself from asking ‘Are you sure?’ He could tell Bucky got annoyed when he did that. Still, he hesitated.

As if to convince Steve, Bucky pulled out one of the chairs from the kitchen table, sat down on it and looked at Steve expectantly. “Is here okay?” he asked.

“Um yeah, you wanna do it now?”

Bucky nodded.

“Sure. I’ll just -” He reached behind the toaster where he had hastily shoved the target bag after giving Bucky the headphones. He pulled out the brush, removed the packaging, and then held it awkwardly. Bucky nodded at him again, encouragingly, and Steve felt stupid. He could do this.

He moved to stand behind Bucky. He raised the brush and thrust it through Bucky’s hair. Bucky jumped, just slightly, and even though he must have been expecting it, Steve still wished he’d warned him. He ran the brush through Bucky’s hair again, gentler this time. The brush got caught at the ends, and Steve held the hair so he could brush the knots out without tugging too hard on Bucky’s head. Once the knots were all gone he slowly brushed Bucky’s hair from one side to the other. Bucky remained completely still. Steve hoped the sounds and feeling of the brush were relaxing to Bucky, but he couldn’t gauge his reaction from where he was standing. He wished there was a mirror in front of them so he could see Bucky’s face.

He brushed all of Bucky’s hair back one last time so that it fell into its natural shape, and placed the brush on the kitchen table beside him.

“I’m going to use my hands now, okay?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Bucky replied. There was a huskiness to his voice now, and he cleared his throat.

Steve started by gently running his fingers through the ends of Bucky’s hair, just letting Bucky get used to the touch. Then he lifted his hands higher, and one after the other he guided each hand from Bucky’s temples over the top of his head, and ran his fingers through the length of the hair. It felt soft as it flowed through Steve’s fingers.

When Bucky had first moved in, Steve had suggested Bucky get a haircut, which Bucky had outright refused to do. It had been stupid of Steve: he was trying to get Bucky back to the way he was before. Now Steve was glad Bucky hadn't cut his hair. It was part of who he was.

Steve’s fingers brushed over Bucky’s ears, and a thrill ran through him. He forced himself not to snatch his hands away in shame. He started lightly scratching Bucky’s scalp. Bucky sighed deeply and pushed his head further into Steve’s hands. It was almost catlike. Steve pressed his fingers harder into the scalp, digging his fingernails in, and Bucky moaned. Steve pushed down the faint feeling of arousal, along with the guilt that came with it, and determinedly focused on what he was doing.

He ran his fingers up the nape of Bucky’s neck and into the hair. He felt Bucky shiver under his hands. He stroked upwards from Bucky’s neck into the hair a few times, then firmly moved his fingers over the scalp in circular motions. Bucky hummed, and Steve wondered if he knew how much noise he was making. It was so different from the silence Steve had grown used to.

Next, he gathered all the hair that he could into his hands and twisted it to the right, then he let go, gathered it again, and twisted it the other way. He was winging it at this point, but Bucky seemed to like it. He could hear Bucky breathing heavily.

Tightening and loosening his hands on Bucky’s hair, he tried very hard not to think of different situations they could be in where Steve would be tugging Bucky's hair like that.

Steve had to stop before he embarrassed himself. He let his hands fall and rustled in the Target bag again. He pulled out the scalp massager. He opened the box quietly so he wouldn’t pull Bucky from his relaxed state.

Tentatively, he pushed the scalp massager into Bucky’s hair. Bucky moaned again. “What is that?”

Steve’s entire body had grown hot, and he hoped Bucky wouldn't turn around and see the look on his face. He stumbled over his words. “It’s massage, I mean, it’s a scalp massager.”

“It feels good.”

He had to get a hold of himself. This was not for him. It was so Bucky could relax. He didn’t want to even guess how Bucky would react if he knew what Steve was thinking about.

He zoned out for a while, mechanically moving the scalp massager around on Bucky’s head. Eventually, a shallow snore pulled him out of his reverie. Bucky was asleep.

Steve didn’t want to stop right away, in case it woke Bucky up, so he thought he would finish up by brushing Bucky's hair again. He quickly transitioned from the massager to the brush and gently removed any knots that had developed. It had gotten a little messy after the scalp massaging.

When he was done he put the brush down on the table and rested his hands on Bucky’s shoulders. Bucky stirred and made the little hiccupping noise he always made when he woke up. Steve hadn’t heard that noise in a long time, god he’d missed it.

Steve squeezed Bucky’s shoulder and Bucky sighed contentedly. He was about to move away when Bucky reached his hand up and placed it on top of Steve's. Steve cautiously leaned down and put his arms around Bucky's chest, hugging him from behind. He rested his chin over Bucky’s shoulder. He thought he was maybe taking more than he should in that moment, while Bucky was so calm, but he couldn’t help it.

Bucky leaned his head back so that it was on resting on Steve’s shoulder. “Thanks,” he whispered. Steve turned his head to look at Bucky's face. Despite the differences in Bucky now, it was the closest Steve had felt to him since his ma died. He was inches from his mouth. He so desperately wanted to kiss Bucky that he thought if he didn’t move away soon he might just do it.

“You’re welcome Buck,” he whispered back and unwound his arms.

He moved around to look at Bucky’s face. He still had his eyes closed. His forehead was free from worry lines for the first time Steve could remember. He looked so relaxed - it seemed like it really had worked. Would Bucky want him to do it again? Should he ask?

Just then Bucky opened his eyes and Steve jumped, embarrassed that he had been caught staring. He turned to the sink and picked up a scrubbing brush, then he quickly put it down again, feeling foolish.

“So uh,’ he began, glancing towards Bucky. “If you ever need me to do that again, I’d be happy to. You just have to ask.”

“Tomorrow?” Bucky asked hopefully, to Steve's complete surprise.

Steve’s heart sped up. “Sure, we can do it tomorrow. Just… come and get me when you’re ready.”

Bucky slowly stood up and walked over to where Steve was standing. 

“Do want something to drink?” Steve asked. “A glass of water?” He picked up a glass that was sitting in the drying rack, filled it with water and gulped it down himself.

“Nah, I'm good.” He hesitated beside Steve before quickly giving him a peck on the cheek. Steve was so stunned he started choking on the water he was drinking.

Bucky laughed and thumped him on the back. “Thanks again Steve. It really helped.”

“No problem,” Steve choked out.

Bucky walked out of the kitchen chuckling. It took Steve a few minutes to gain control of himself. He tried not to let such a small innocent gesture go to his head, but it was difficult when it was something he had daydreamed about for so long.

He puttered around the kitchen for a while, tidying up, throwing away the garbage from his target purchases, wiping up cookie crumbs. He couldn’t help but let a grin spread across his face.

**Author's Note:**

> [ASMR Wikipedia page](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autonomous_sensory_meridian_response)
> 
>  
> 
> Say hi to me on [Tumblr](http://lovesdresses.tumblr.com/)!


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